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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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After that little mishap, I’m tryin’ to shake it off. We wander down to the main square, and there’s this awesome taiko drum performance. The beats are hittin’ hard, and I’m feelin’ it. I can’t help but tap my foot. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks over a whole stand of souvenirs. I mean, really? It’s like a disaster zone!

Weeping cherry trees blooming earlier than expected in Japan's Akita Pref.