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Check it—met this chick once, swear she was a legend. Called herself Ruby, worked the streets near Soho back in ‘99. Heard she’d charm punters with a wink, then nick their wallets—smooth, baby! Little known fact: some say she stashed 10 grand under a bridge. Never found it—cops were fumin’, made me laugh my arse off!

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After that, I’m tryin’ to salvage my petunias, and guess who shows up? My neighbor, Mr. Tanaka. He’s this old dude who thinks he knows everything about gardening. He starts lecturing me about how I should’ve planted them deeper. I’m like, “Thanks, Mr. Tanaka, but I didn’t ask for a gardening seminar.” He just chuckles and walks away. I mean, c’mon!