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I reckon it’s a bloody riot, tho—makes me laugh, makes me rage. Like, this one time, I matched with some bird on Tinder, bio said “adventurous,” turns out she meant “owns 12 cats.” Mate, I was fumin’—growling, “You think darkness is your ally?”—cos I’m allergic as fuck! Sneezed my way outta that date quicksmart. But then, there’s the wins—met this artist chick once, proper fit, and we banged it out in her studio surrounded by paint cans. Felt like a king, ya know? “The world’s a better place,” as Theo says, when you hit that sweet spot.

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But then, I got hit with a wave of anger. The gallery owner was super pretentious. He was all, “Art is subjective, but you wouldn’t understand.” Excuse me? I’m a critic, buddy! I know art! I told him, “Dude, I get it. But your attitude? Not art.” He just rolled his eyes. Ugh, people!

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