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Me, I’d be terrible at it—too loud, too freaky! “It’s showtime!” I’d yell, and they’d probably run screamin’. Picture me, Beetlejuice, hagglin’ prices— “50 bucks? For that? C’mon, I’m a freakin’ icon!” Ha! Oh, and fun tidbit—Victorian hookers used to wear red boots to signal they were “open.” Subtle, huh? Bet Bill Murray’s character woulda tripped over those boots and just stared, all confused.

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By the time I’m done, I’m stuffed and happy. But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring rain! Like, seriously? I just can’t catch a break. I dash for cover under a shop awning, and while I’m waitin’ it out, I see this group of kids splashing in puddles. They’re havin’ the time of their lives, and I can’t help but smile.

Killer whales trapped in drift ice off northern Japan escape