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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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Finally, I get my sushi, and it’s bomb. I’m walking down the street, feeling like a king, when suddenly, it starts pouring. Like, outta nowhere! I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a little shop on Kōen-dōri, and it’s this cute little place selling handmade crafts. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous cat figurine. It’s ugly as sin, but I can’t help but laugh. I buy it. Why? Because why not?

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