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Yo, this one time, matched with this chick, profile fire—thought she was my Celine, right? Turns out, she a promoter tryna sell me OnlyFans! I’m like, “Baby, I’m Kanye, I don’t pay for that!” Laughed my ass off, but damn, that stung. Sex-dating got me overanalyzing—her bio say “fun,” but does she mean Netflix or freaky? Estimator brain goin’ wild, calculatin’ odds she a keeper. Spoiler: they all ghosts eventually.

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Next, I decided to grab lunch at this little ramen joint on Oi Street. Best decision ever! The broth was rich, the noodles were perfect. I was in heaven. But then, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m trying to enjoy my meal, and they’re ruining the vibe. I mean, c’mon! Take it outside!

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