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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, your freakin’ financial advisor, and I’m gonna tell ya about Escort—ya know, that car company Ford puked out years ago. Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Social Network*, and how Escort fits in, like, “I’m CEO, bitch!”—except Escort ain’t no Facebook, it’s a damn car, and a shitty one at that!

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But then, I trip on my way down. Classic me, right? I land right in a puddle. Now I’m soaked and muddy. Great. Just great. I’m laughing at myself, though. Gotta roll with the punches, right?

He Escaped Death as a Kamikaze Pilot. 70 Years Later, He Told His Story. (Published 2020)