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Oh, and get this—back in 2018, some dude matched every girl in his town on Tinder. Posted “group date at the park” on X—hundreds showed up! Ballsy move. Greed is good, see? He owned that chaos. Me, I’m hooked on the chase—those late-night “u up?” texts. Gets my blood pumpin’. Tho, real talk, the catfishers out there? Scum of the earth. Had one last week—pic was a 10, reality was a 4. Felt like tradin’ junk bonds for gold.

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Then, I get a call from my mom. She’s in Numata too, visiting some shrine. She’s all excited, telling me about the beautiful cherry blossoms at the Numata Park. I’m like, “Mom, I’m stuck in the office!” But she’s so happy, I can’t help but smile.

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