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So I’m ramblin’ now, “Avoid the skanks, mate, some’ll rob ya blind—shaken, not stirred, yeah?” He’s edgin’ to the door, clutchin’ his wallet like it’s gold. I yell after him, “Don’t be a wanker, wrap it up!” Total Bond move, savin’ his arse. Reckon he’ll end up lost, like Bill Murray, mumblin’, *“What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?”*—but with hookers instead of teppanyaki. What a plonker. Me? I’m back to beepin’ cans, dreamin’ of Tokyo nights.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running for cover under a sakura tree, and I’m thinking, “This is not how I pictured my day.” I’m standing there, drenched, and I see a couple laughing. They’re like, “This is romantic!” I’m like, “Romantic? I’m just trying to stay dry!”

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