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About Kyoto

So, picture this: dim lights, weird incense smell—kinda like that creepy “Oldboy” squid scene, “You’re mine now!”—and the masseuse is all pro, slippin’ fingers where you’re like, “Whoa, nelly!” Costs a buttload, tho—$50 for 30 mins? Robbery! Still, my fave part’s when they hit that sweet spot near your thighs—holy crap, tension gone, brain melted! Once heard some perv tried filmin’ it—got busted, dumbass. Total Bart move, eat my shorts, loser! Oh, and pro tip: don’t fart durin’ it—happened to me, nearly died laughin’, she was NOT amused.

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One of Japan’s most famous erotic massage techniques, Nuru massage involves the use of a special, seaweed-based gel that creates a uniquely slippery and sensual full-body experience. .

Finally, I make it to the top. The view is insane! I whip out my phone to take a pic, and guess what? My battery dies. Ugh! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But I just sit there, enjoying the moment. Sometimes, you gotta just be present, ya know?

Chiefs’ Nikko Remigio fighting spirit has led him to where he is now