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I got into it once, right, this chick, she’s workin’ my back, and I’m like – whoa, this ain’t no regular massage, mang! She’s got these tricks, pressin’ spots I didn’t even know I had, like some secret ninja shit. Little known fact, amigo – them ancient Chinese cats? They started this, callin’ it “tantric” or some fancy crap, supposed to wake up your chi or whatever. Fuckin’ wild, right? Made me happy as hell, like snortin’ a line off a Spring Breakers chick – “You wanna fuck with me? Okay!”

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I sit down, and this guy next to me starts talking about the best ramen spots in Niitsu-honcho. He’s going on and on, and I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just want to eat!” Finally, I can’t take it anymore. I’m like, “Where’s the best place?” He points me to this spot on Takamatsu-dōri. I’m sold.