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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animal. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially nonsense. So, findin’ a prostitute? Pfft, what a mess. I’d rather wrestle a bear naked than deal with that shady crap. You wanna talk about it? Fine, here’s the deal, straight from my gut—gruff, no filter, like I’m talkin’ to my buddy Duke over whiskey.

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First thing, I hit up the local konbini on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the best onigiri? I grab a couple, and the cashier, this super chill dude, gives me a nod like we’re best buds. I’m like, “Yeah, man, I’m back for more!” But then, I spill my drink all over the counter. Classic me, right? I’m just standing there, mortified, while he’s laughing. I mean, come on!