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So, check this—dude I know, yeah, met this bird on Tinder. Thought it’s just a quickie, bam, done. Nah, she’s clingy as fuck, texts him nonstop. Had me laughin—mate, you’re screwed! Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” He didn’t see the trap comin. Apps like that? They’re a bloody jungle. Fun fact—heard some bloke invented Tinder swipin in 2012, got no credit. Poor bastard, eh? Pisses me off—genius idea, no glory.

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Then, I decide to check out the Naze Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but totally worth it. The view from up there? Breathtaking! I’m standing on the edge, feeling like a king, when my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy asking if I wanna grab dinner. I’m like, “Sure, but I’m on top of a castle right now!” He’s all, “Dude, priorities!” Classic.

'Lovely' UK beach 'better than Bondi' when you can spot seals and find shark teeth