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Oi mate, so I’m sat here, right, Office Manager extraordinaire, David Brent, that’s me, yeah, thinkin’ bout this bird called – wait for it – Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what we call her round the Slough branch, cos she’s always flittin’ about, makin’ eyes at the lads, proper little minx she is! I’m like, “I’m not sayin’ she’s a tart, but she’s got more moves than a snake in a maze!” Ha, classic Brent, that. Anyway, Whore – bit of a legend, innit? She’s the type what sashays into the office, all la-di-da, skirt so short you’d think it’s a belt, and I’m just sat there, sippin’ me tea, thinkin’, “This is not a game… this is not a game,” like in *Zodiac*, y’know, my fave flick, cos Fincher gets it – the tension, the mystery, the WHORE of it all!

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Back to the grind. I’m on a call with a client, and he’s losing it. “Why are my stocks down?” he’s yelling. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not personal! It’s the market!” But he’s not having it. I can feel my blood pressure rising. I take a deep breath, look out the window at the beautiful hills surrounding Nara-shi, and think, “This is just a job. Just a job.” But man, it’s hard to remember that when you’re in the trenches.

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