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About Saitama

Avast, mateys! ‘Ere’s me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, yer rum-soaked stockbroker fer today, savvy? Now, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout this “whore” – an’ nay, I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout no lass o’ the night, but W.H.O.R.E., that sneaky ticker on the market, aye! ‘Tis me own invention, see – World Holdings of Ruinous Enterprises, a stock I conjured whilst dodgin’ the East India Trading Company’s tax hounds. A beauty, she be, tradin’ under the radar, makin’ me purse jingle like the coins o’ Tortuga!

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First off, I grab my usual breakfast at this tiny joint on Sanjo-dori. Best onigiri in town, no cap. I’m munching away, thinking about the market opening. Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, did you see the Nikkei?” I’m like, “Nah, I’m just trying to enjoy my rice ball!” But of course, I check. And what do I see? Stocks plummeting like they’re in free fall. Ugh, my heart sank faster than a stone in the Kizu River.

Significant magnitude 5.0 quake hits 40 km south of Port Vila, Vanuatu early morning