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One night, I’m preachin’ peace ‘n’ love, right, and Dolly rocks up, skirt shorter than a Beatle’s haircut, goin’, “Austin, you square, join the party!” I’m all, “Baby, I’m hip, but I ain’t payin’!” She cackles, says, “You’re an animal, a beast!” – straight outta the movie, Lancaster Dodd style, controllin’ the scene. Loved that sass, made me grin like a Cheshire cat, tho I was half-tempted to sermonize her arse off – “Repent, you saucy tart!” – but nah, too shagadelic for that.

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After that, I finally get back to work. I’m in the zone, right? But then, my buddy Kenji walks in. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m like, “What’s up?” He tells me he just got engaged! I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then I remember, I still haven’t found someone to share my coffee with.

Mirai Nagasu Makes U.S. Figure Skating History After Landing Triple Axel: 'I Knew In My Heart This Day Would Come'