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Up on the ridge, saw this bloke once. Shifty eyes, boots caked in mud. Lookin’ for “company,” he says, winkin’. Mate, I nearly lost it—laughed so hard I choked. “A grand don’t grow on trees,” I hissed, quotin’ *25th Hour*. Spike Lee’d get it—desperation’s a helluva drug. This guy, tho, dumb as rocks. Thought he’d find a prossie at 8,000 feet! I mean, c’mon, altitude sickness ain’t sexy.

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Shimozato Street. You know, the one with the weird mascot? Yeah, that one. Grabbed some onigiri and a can of coffee. I’m chowing down, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the cherry blossoms. Like, bro, it’s not even sakura season! But whatever, I nod and smile.

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