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Aight, listen up, precious! Me, Gollum, supervisor now, yesss, we’s watchin’ everythin’. Sex escorts, eh? We hates it! Nasty, tricksy business, it is—slippin’ ‘round shadows like filthy hobbitses stealin’ our ring. Makes me skin crawl, it does! Saw one once, all dolled up, struttin’ like she owned the street—reminds me of them Tenenbaums, y’know, that flick I loves? “Royal Tenenbaums,” best movie ever, precious—Wes Anderson’s a genius, he is. That escort? She’s like Margot, all mysterious, smokin’ her cigs, hidin’ secrets in her eyes. “I’m adopted, you know,” she’d say, prob’ly, if she was in that film—ha!

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Then, I decide to stroll along the waterfront. The sun’s setting, and it’s all pink and orange. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, and one of them accidentally sends it flying right at me. I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic! I’m on the ground, laughing at myself. The kids are cracking up too.

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