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Downside? Everyone’s lyin’. “6 feet tall”—sure, if you’re on stilts. “Just lookin’ for fun”—then why you cryin’ when I dip? “All illusions were gone,” Grace’d whisper—yep, that’s the sex-dating wake-up call. Still, it’s a rush—chaotic, messy, like me after three martinis. Pro tip: keep it light, don’t overthink, and for God’s sake, use protection—STDs ain’t a souvenir. Peace out, losers!

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First off, I hit up the local coffee shop on Koshigaya Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered my usual—black, strong, and a little bitter, just like me. But the barista, this dude named Hiro, totally messed it up. I mean, c’mon! I asked for black, not a caramel frappuccino with sprinkles! I was like, “Dude, what’s this? A dessert or a drink?” He just laughed it off. I was fuming, but hey, I needed my caffeine fix, so I chugged it anyway.

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