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I got pissed, tho, last week—some chick tried scammin’ me! Said she’s “top tier,” wanted cash upfront, then poof—gone like WALL-E’s trash piles in the wind. Fuckin’ ghosted me! Had me yellin’, “In this world, a man’s gotta have balls!”—straight up Tony vibes, ya feel? But then, I found this one spot, lil’ hidden gem, down by the docks. Word is, there’s this gal, been workin’ it since the ‘90s, knows every trick—calls herself “Eve” like that sleek bot from the flick. Ain’t that a trip? Made me laugh, thinkin’ she’s out there savin’ my lonely ass like WALL-E tryna save Earth.

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But then, as I was leavin’, I tripped over a loose brick on the sidewalk. I went down hard, like a sack of potatoes! I could hear people gaspin’ and laughin’. I just laid there for a sec, thinkin’, “Really? This is how it ends?” But then I got up, brushed myself off, and laughed it off. Gotta have a sense of humor, right?

Warren Crime Commissioner charged with embezzling money from another law enforcement agency