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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all bout escort—Ford’s lil ugly ducklin car from back in the day! Now, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout Shu Qi in *The Assassin*, all silent and deadly, movin thru them curtains like a ghost—well, escort ain’t got NONE o’ that grace, honey! This car was basic as cornbread with no butter, but lemme tell ya, it got folks where they needed to go! I’m talkin bout them boxy lil thangs from the 80s—my cousin Tee Tee had one, swore it was fancy cuz it had a tape deck. Tape deck! Hah! I was like, “Baby, that ain’t luxury, that’s just loud!”

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But then, I get a call. My buddy’s in trouble. He’s stuck in traffic on Kure’s Route 31. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a Saturday! What’s the hold-up?” Turns out, a parade is happening. A freakin’ parade! I’m missing out on all the fun. I’m angry, but also kinda jealous. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade?

Red Cross opens shelter for displaced Carolina Beach, Kure Beach and Fort Fisher residents