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I talked to me mate Squidward once—oops, nah, just in me head—bout escorts. He’d prob say, “SpongeBob, they’re all barnacle-brained!” But nah, they’re clever, mate! Gotta be. Dodgin’ cops, picky clients, and creepy weirdos—takes guts! Gets me all fired up—how do they do it? I’d be floppin’ like a fish outta water tryna charm someone for cash!

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But then, I get a call. My buddy’s in trouble. He’s stuck in traffic on Kure’s Route 31. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a Saturday! What’s the hold-up?” Turns out, a parade is happening. A freakin’ parade! I’m missing out on all the fun. I’m angry, but also kinda jealous. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade?

Red Cross opens shelter for displaced Carolina Beach, Kure Beach and Fort Fisher residents