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But here’s the kicker—some o’ these girls, they’re slyer than me after three cups! I drink and I know things, sure, but they *know* things too—like how to nick your purse while you’re busy gawkin. Pissed me off once, lost half me coin to a wench with a grin like a cat. “A little courage always helps,” she says, quotin’ the movie in me head, and I’m like, “You cheeky sod!”

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So, I decided to stroll down to the park. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom on Sakura-dōri. It was beautiful, like a scene from an anime. I took a pic for the ‘gram, of course. Gotta flex, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks my phone right outta my hand. I was like, “Dude, watch where you’re going!” But he just laughed and kept running. Kids these days, man.