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Oh, and the typos—fukc, I’m rushin’ this—sex-dating’s got quirks. Didya know some apps track your kinks? Creepy, right? Big Data’s watchin’ you bone. Makes me wanna grill the coders, serve ‘em up with fava beans. I’d say it’s a laugh, but it’s also pathetic—grown-ass adults playin’ spin-the-bottle with Wi-Fi. “I’m tryin’ to be a serious man!”—Larry’s cryin’ in my head, and I’m cacklin’.

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In July , allegations of sexual assault were made against professional basketball player Kobe Bryant by a year-old woman, resulting in criminal.

Next, I hit up the famous Kobe beef joint. I mean, c’mon, I had to! I sit down, and the waiter’s all like, “You want the A5?” I’m like, “Heck yeah!” This steak was melt-in-your-mouth good. I’m talkin’ like, “Why can’t all food be this amazing?” I’m practically drooling.

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