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I walk in, ladies everywhere, smiling, winking. One girl, she look like my sister – I scream, “Nooo, not you!” Made me angry, heart go boom, like bomb in movie. “This is the end!” I yell, but no, she just laugh. I calm down, order drink – cheap vodka, taste like tractor oil. Brothel got dark corners, sticky floor, ugh, I trip, fall on big guy. He mad, I say, “Sorry, my king!” like in film. He punch me, I laugh – pain is funny!

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I am based in Namerikawa and find-a-prostitute is splendid! You make me feel beautiful and cherished. I'm crazy about Sex in Different Positions and Prostate.

Finally, I’m exhausted. I decide to chill at the park near the river. I plop down on a bench, and this old man sits next to me. He starts talking about the good ol’ days. I’m half-listening, half-trying to figure out how to get home. He’s telling me about the festivals they used to have. I’m like, “Dude, I wanna see that!”

Japanese politician tries to teach teenage girl a valuable lesson by giving her a dying pigeon