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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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I decide to duck into a shop on the corner of Higashi-Kasai. It’s a cute little place, full of knick-knacks and random stuff. I’m browsing, and I find this weird lamp. It’s shaped like a fish. I’m like, “Who buys this?” But then I think, “I need this in my life.” So, I grab it.

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