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About Osaka

So, sex-dating—where do I start? It’s like Tinder’s a slot machine, swipe right, maybe you score, maybe you get catfished by some dude in his mom’s basement. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a jungle! Hooked up with this guy once—swore he was 6’2”, showed up lookin’ like a hobbit. “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—yeah, right, Michel Gondry, more like “How pissed is Judy when he lies?!” Total scam, made me wanna scream. Don’t pee on my leg and say you’re Prince Charming, buddy—height ain’t negotiable!

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So, after that, I needed a break. I strolled down to the Kaminokuni Park. It’s my go-to spot for chillin’. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I just sat there, soaking it all in. But then, this kid runs by, chasing a soccer ball, and BAM! The ball hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids, man. They’re wild.

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