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I got mad once, tho—dude told me, “Oh, it’s easy!” Easy?! I was like, “Boy, you trippin!” Took me hours scrollin X, dodgin fakes. One time, found a profile—girl’s pic had “sunlight pours through the window”—straight outta the movie! I’m like, artsy hooker? Sign me up! Made me happy, that lil twist.

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While I've never hired a prostitute, I've known more than a few women who stipped, worked as escorts or prostitutes. I've met some women with some pretty outside the bellcurve paraphilas Missing: Kadena.

But then, I see it. The banner for the event is all messed up. It says “Kadena Air Base: Home of the Brave and the Confused.” I’m like, what the heck? Who approved this? I’m fumin’! I mean, I get it, we all have our off days, but c’mon!

Families at Okinawa air base face February deadline to vacate faulty housing units