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Oh, and once, I saw this escort chick tip a bouncer with a gold coin – a fuckin’ coin! Who does that? Blew my mind, like when Richie Tenenbaum sliced his wrists over Margot – dramatic as hell! I was like, “Holy crap, that’s baller!” Gotta admit, escorts got some wild stories, keeps my job spicy. Way better than guardin’ some shitty mall, amirite?

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After my ramen fix, I decide to stroll down to the coast. The view? Breathtaking! The Sea of Japan was glistening like a million diamonds. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, when suddenly, a seagull swoops down and steals my snack! I’m like, “Hey! That was mine!” But the bird just gives me this look, like, “Sorry, dude, it’s mine now.” I was mad, but also kinda impressed.

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