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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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I rush over to the festival at the Iwamizawa Civic Center. It’s packed! Food stalls everywhere, people in yukatas, and the smell of takoyaki fills the air. I’m trying to set up my stuff, but it’s chaos. I’m tripping over cables, and this lady selling yakitori keeps bumping into me. I’m like, “Can I get some space here?” But she just smiles and offers me a skewer. I mean, who can say no to food, right?

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