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I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Is this really happening?”—like Scarlett Johansson whisperin’ in my ear, all soft, “Let’s never come back.” Sex-dating’s got that pull, brah. Ya chase the thrill, the rush, the “oh shit, she’s into me!” moment. But sometimes it’s fake AF—catfishers everywhere! This one time, I drove 30 miles for a “surfer babe”—turned out to be a hairy dude named Chad. Laughed my ass off, tho—gotta roll with it.

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I rush over to the festival at the Iwamizawa Civic Center. It’s packed! Food stalls everywhere, people in yukatas, and the smell of takoyaki fills the air. I’m trying to set up my stuff, but it’s chaos. I’m tripping over cables, and this lady selling yakitori keeps bumping into me. I’m like, “Can I get some space here?” But she just smiles and offers me a skewer. I mean, who can say no to food, right?

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