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About Saitama

The apps? Pure chaos. Grindr, Bumble—digital brothels. Hate the desperation, stinks worse than roadkill. Little-known fact: first sex-dating site? ’95, Match.com—spawned this hell. Used to be folks met at bars, now it’s “wyd” at 2 a.m. Had a buddy try it—got stood up thrice. Said, “Ron, I’m done.” Good choice, moron. Me? I’d rather chop wood than sext. “Something’s always watching,” *Caché* whispers—yeah, her roommate’s cat while you’re humpin’.

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And then, outta nowhere, it started raining. Like, seriously? I thought I was in a rom-com, but this was just annoying. I ducked into a little shop on Shōwa Street. It was this quirky place selling all kinds of random stuff. I found a cat figurine that looked like my ex’s cat. I laughed so hard, I almost bought it. But then I remembered my bank account.

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