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Me, I’d rather watch Zodiac again—Gyllenhaal squintin’ at clues, beats awkward “wanna bang?” chats. Once saw a profile: “Loves true crime, Netflix, chill.” Thought, “She’ll kill ya, mate!” We hates it! Too risky, too fake—everyone’s a suspect. “I’m not gonna stop,” they say, scrollin’ fer more. Idiots.

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And then, outta nowhere, this little girl runs up to me. She’s got this huge smile, holding a balloon. I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, her balloon pops! I mean, it was like a horror movie moment. She starts crying, and my heart just sinks. I can’t handle that kinda stuff. So, I kneel down, and I’m like, “Hey, wanna see a magic trick?” I pull a coin from behind her ear. She giggles, and I’m like, “Phew, saved the day!”

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