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About Osaka

I tried it once, ok? Got on Tinder, lyin’ about my height—six foot, bitches!—and this girl’s like, “let’s meet.” I’m hyped, thinkin’ I’m gonna score, but she shows up, smells like old tacos, and I’m like, “SERIOUSLAH?!” Made me so mad I wanted to scream, “Respect my authoritah!” right in her face. Didn’t even bang her—total letdown. But here’s a fun fact, right? Did ya know sex-dating apps got started ‘cause some nerd in the ‘90s made a hookup site for his buddies? True story! Now it’s all “DTF” this, “NSA” that—alphabet soup of horniness!

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She basically said: you're perfect and I really respect you as a man, I had a lot of fun with you but I feel like things have been moving too fast between us.

As the sun starts settlin’, I’m walkin’ back home. I pass by the old wooden houses on the side streets. They’re so cool, like somethin’ outta a movie. I stop to take a pic, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s super sweet, offers me some tea. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We chat for a bit, and it’s nice.

Bertha H. Sanchez Obituary April 4, 2024