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*Growl* What ticks me off? Dudes treatin em like props. Escorts ain’t droids, man, they’re people! Got stories, got soul. One told me she ditched a creep mid-hike—left him lost, took his cash. Savage! I’d watch that movie. *Pause, heavy breath* I am your father. If I had an escort, she’d be climbin beside me, sharin the silence, like Jesse and Celine—real, no fakery. Mountains don’t care bout your job, neither do I. Just don’t fall, kid—escort or not, I ain’t carryin ya!

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Then I decided to stroll down to Hannan’s famous Hannan Park. It’s a nice spot, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and old folks feeding the pigeons. But guess what? Some kid runs by, and I swear he almost knocks me over. I’m like, “Hey, watch it, mini tornado!” But he just giggles and keeps running. Kids these days, right?

LEO HANNAN