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So, sex-dating – it’s all apps, swipes, quick bangs, no strings, ya get me? Tinder, Grindr, whatever – scrollin’ for a shag like it’s a takeaway menu. Back in the day, right, folk’d say it’s grim – but now? Everyone’s on it, bruv! I read this mad stat – 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Ain’t that wild? Makes me proper chuffed, cos it’s like, freedom, innit? No more awkward pub chats – just “u up?” and boom, sorted!

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After that chaos, things kinda calmed down. I was ringing up some snacks when this old dude comes in. He’s got this wild hair, like a mad scientist or something. He starts telling me about the best fishing spots near the Haboro River. I’m nodding along, but honestly, I’m just thinking about my lunch break.

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