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But arrgh, what pisses me off? Them landlubbers ditchin’ it fer shiny new sloops! Escort’s got soul, mate—gritty, raw, like me rum-soaked heart! Used to see ‘em everywhere, now they’re rustin’ in Davy Jones’ locker—makes me wanna keelhaul some fool! Happy though, oh aye—found one once, beat-up Mk2, purrin’ like a siren. Fixed ‘er up, raced me shadow—felt like “I’ve been waiting for this moment!” Freedom, savvy?

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Kenji. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta see this!” I’m thinkin’, “I can’t just leave!” But curiosity got the best of me. I sneak a peek at my phone, and there’s a video of a cat in a kimono. I’m dying! I’m supposed to be serious, but I can’t help it. I’m laughing so hard, I almost drop the gavel!

New York Mets Sign Anthony Gose and Luis Ortiz to Minor League Deals