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Love how they strut, all confident-like. “It’s too late now,” they’d say, like in the movie, ditchin’ a bad date. Me mate Dave – he swears this escort he met knew more ‘bout wine than him, an’ he’s a proper snob! Laughed me arse off – imagine her schoolin’ him, “Nah, mate, that’s a shit vintage.” We swears, they’re clever, these lot! Makes me wanna chat ‘em up meself, hear their wild tales.

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When I finally got to the City Hall, I was late. Of course. I walked in, and everyone was staring at me. I felt like I was in a bad sitcom. I sat down, trying to play it cool, but my mind was racing. “What if they ask me about the project? What if they see the coffee stains?”

Ginowan Mayor Matsugawa found dead in Tokyo hotel; illness suspected