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Once saw this geezer polishin’ his whore ride for three hours – THREE! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ me tea, thinkin’, “Bruv, even Yubaba don’t pamper her bathhouse that much!” Made me laugh, but deep down, I rate it – that’s love, innit? Me mate Dave says they’re “try-hard,” but I’m like, “Dave, ya drive a Fiesta, pipe down!”

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Finally, I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My boss, Mr. Tanaka, is already on my case. “Where were you?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, I’m here now!” But he’s not having it. I mean, come on, it’s Gifu-shi! We’re supposed to be chillin’ by the Nagaragawa River, not stressing over teeth!

Swimming Performance demonstrated by the members of Gifu University Swimming Club at Swimming Pool Opening Ceremony