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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, “I drink and I know things.” So, sex-dating, yeah? What a bloody mess that is! Picture this: I’m sittin’ in a tavern, ale in hand, scrollin’ through these apps—swipe left, swipe right, like I’m pickin’ whores at a brothel! It’s all a grand game, innit? Like in *The Grand Budapest Hotel*—elegant on the surface, chaos underneath. “Many distinguished guests,” they say, but half these profiles? Liars with fake pics—catfishin’ cunts! Makes me wanna scream, “This is outrageous! It’s unfair!”

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So, I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, right? I start paddlin’ down the river, and it’s peaceful for a sec. I’m thinkin’ about life, the river, and how I love this city. Fukumitsu is dope! The cherry blossoms in spring? Epic. The food? Don’t even get me started on the ramen joints on Takamatsu Street. But today? Today’s a rollercoaster.

7/28/20-AN ANCIENT LO‘I KALO IN HAKIPU‘U PROTECTED FOREVER