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Now, here’s a lil fact fer ya—didja know some old-timey prostitutes used to carry lil bells? Jingled when they walked, lettin folks know they was open fer business! Ain’t that a hoot? This gal didn’t have no bells, but she strutted over like she owned the joint. “What’s yer deal, cowboy?” she says, voice raspy as a gravel road. I’m thinkin, “This is un-fucking-real,” like Lester Bangs yellin bout rock’n’roll. Made me happy as a pig in mud—finally somethin wild!

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Finally, I get my latte, and I’m feeling good. I head over to the Fukiage Shrine. It’s so peaceful there. I mean, who doesn’t love a little zen before a crazy day? I’m taking a moment, and then BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Seriously?! I’m like, “Really, dude?!”