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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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Later, I decide to hit up a local izakaya on Shimo-ochiai Street. I’m ready for some good food and a drink. I order some sashimi and a beer. Life is good, right? But then, the waiter brings me the wrong order! I’m like, “What is this? I didn’t order this!” But it’s actually pretty good, so I just roll with it.

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