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So, check this—sex-dating apps? Total maze. You think, “Mmm, sexy faun,” but nah, half the time it’s some creep with no game. D’oh! Pisses me off when dudes ghost after one pic—c’mon, man, grow a spine! But when it clicks? Woo-hoo! Happier than a pig in mud. Met this chick once—swear she was a siren, voice all silky, legs for days. We hooked up, no strings, just bam—magic. “Take the rose, it’s yours,” she said, like in the movie. Felt epic, dude!

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Then, the real drama started. I got a call from a farmer. His crops were droppin’ like flies. I’m like, “What’s goin’ on?” Turns out, he used some sketchy pesticide. I was fumin’. Like, dude, what were you thinkin’? I rushed over to his field on Route 58, heart racin’.

U.S. military denies Okinawa’s request to enter military base for surveying, delaying highway construction