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Like, literally, sexual-massage is my jam! I’m Kim K, duh, so I’m all about that sensual vibe. It’s, like, this totes amazeballs way to chill. You get all oiled up, hands everywhere—yasss! I saw this one masseuse, right, she was all “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take,” quoting my fave movie, *The Lives of Others*. Deep, huh? Made me think—why not go for it?

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little joint on Asuka Street. You know the one? The one with the weird cat statue outside? Yeah, that place. I swear, that cat’s judging me every morning. Anyway, I’m chugging my caffeine like it’s the elixir of life, and I get a call. My buddy Kenji’s like, “Dude, you gotta check the Nikkei!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, the market’s doing this crazy dance. Up, down, all around. I’m sweating bullets.

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