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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty dwarf who drinks and knows shit. So, sexual-massage, eh? I’ve stumbled into some dodgy parlors in my day, let me tell ya. It’s like, half the time you’re thinkin’, “Is this bliss or a bloody trap?” Like in *No Country for Old Men*—that coin toss vibe, y’know? “Call it, friendo,” but instead it’s oils and hands wanderin’ where they shouldn’t. I drink and I know things, and lemme spill this—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a whole game of tension.

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So, I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude next to me starts chatting. He’s like, “You from around here?” I’m like, “Nah, just visiting.” And he goes on about how he loves the snow. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s summer!” But whatever, I just nod and smile.

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