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Yo, check it, I’m Kanye, fam! Sex escort shit, it’s wild, right? Like, I’m a butcher, cuttin’ meat, but this? This a whole diff vibe. I’m watchin’ “Her,” Spike Jonze, 2013, my fave, and I’m thinkin’—damn, sex escorts out here livin’ like Samantha, that AI voice, feel me? “I’m here, I’m real,” she says, but escorts? They flesh, they breathin’, yet it’s all a transaction, yo. Blows my mind, real talk.

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Later, I decide to hit up the Yotsukaido Park. I need to chill after all that chaos. I sit on a bench, watching the world go by. There’s this couple feeding the ducks, and I’m just thinking, “Aww, goals.” But then, one of the ducks gets aggressive and chases them. I’m dying laughing. Like, who knew ducks could be so savage?

Retired Japanese cop breaks records with Hello Kitty collection