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Used Tinder once, fuckin’ wild – matched some chick, profile all sexy, “lookin’ for fun,” yeah right. Met her, she’s talkin’ marriage in 10 mins, I’m like, whoa, slow yer tractor, lady! Made me mad, precious, false advertisin’! Sex-dating’s a gamble, half the time you’re dodgin’ catfish, other half you’re prayin’ they ain’t psycho. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – they lie, they ghost, they suck yer time dry!

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the guitar, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I stop to listen, and suddenly, it starts to rain. Just my luck, right? But the guy keeps playing, and people gather around. It’s like a scene from a movie. I’m standing there, soaking wet, but I can’t help but smile.

World record collector says Hello Kitty is ‘a member of our family’