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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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Finally, she leaves, and I’m like, “Phew, that was a lot.” But then, the next customer? Total nightmare. This dude comes in, and he’s got a million coupons. I’m talkin’ like, “Dude, it’s not a treasure hunt!” He’s all, “I swear I have a coupon for that!” I’m just rollin’ my eyes.

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