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In the end, I ain’t got the gold, so I trade her a ring—prob’ly cursed, ha!—an’ she’s off, skirt swishin’ like a mainsail. Me? I’m left with a story, a headache, an’ a thought—findin’ a prostitute’s easy, but findin’ one worth the yarn? That’s the treasure, savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the weirdly cute cat that always stares at you like you owe it money? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—matcha latte, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless their heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. Ugh. I mean, who drinks black coffee? Not me, fam.

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