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So, I tried it once, right? Down in AC, shady joint off the boardwalk. This broad, she’s kneadin’ me like I’m fuckin’ dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rubdown, capisce?” She’s hittin’ spots I didn’t even know I had – fuckin’ surprised me, made me jump! Little known fact, they say them ancient Romans invented this shit, callin’ it “erotic touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they had orgies after, buncha pervs in togas.

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Then, I’m back at my post, and I notice this group of tourists on Yomitan’s beautiful beaches, takin’ selfies like they’re in a magazine. I mean, c’mon, it’s just sand and water, right? But they’re all like, “Look at me! I’m in Japan!” I’m rollin’ my eyes, but hey, I get it. Yomitan’s got that vibe. The beaches are stunning, and the sunsets? Don’t even get me started.

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